The Embers of Healing

My family abandoned me, or was taken from me. I had 2 sets of parents and spent my teen years in a condemned and abusive boarding school. It all felt like a hurricane. My young life. In order to ‘escape’ I sought acceptance from people who didn’t know how to accept me. I sought love from people who were unable to love me. I hitchhiked, I traveled, I started businesses, I partied, I did anything but remember my past. Even as I got farther from my past it still stayed so close to me. It followed me even if the wounds had healed.

I sought help, but it was always temporary. Until I met a shaman.

When I was living in Mexico I decided to visit a shaman. And during one of our rituals I was sitting at the edge of a great lake alone. And behind me was my grandmother who I only met once in my life and as a small child. And she never said a word. But placed a burning ember on my forehead and in this ember was a great message.

That message was that on the other side of my fear was healing. But I had to risk everything to get there. And literally give up everything. All the relationships I spent over a decade building. That I would have to cross this great water alone. That I might have to die a thousand lives in order to find what my soul was looking for. And I might never achieve it if I didn’t believe it. That fear was enough to kill me, to destroy me. But that true hope was enough to carry me to the other side. But I had to make the choice. To die. To risk everything just once.

12 months later I boarded an airplane to cross the great ocean where I met my beautiful wife. And we had our beautiful daughter Sofia.

Somehow in crossing the ocean, and risking everything… I gained everything. The pain and suffering of my past life are merely part of the great story of getting where I needed to be to become a father. Fatherhood was the burning embers. Unconditional love was what I had to learn to give away in order to be healed. In learning to love my daughter, I also heal my own wounds, and break the cycles of pain that have existed for generations in my family.

When I wake up in the morning and see her smile I realize how amazing my life is. That in becoming a father I recognize that we are merely part of a greater story of humanity, and the miracle of life.

“What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.” – Blackfoot

2 Comments

  1. David, Thank you for opening your heart(actually, you’re good at that). I’m grateful that you’re in the process of healing from very hard circumstances that were not your fault. You must be forgiving all the wrongs done to you in your life (all of which you did not deserve)you’re being like our Master. When we forgive the wrongs done to us, it frees us up to experience life and it brings true healing. We’ve all been forgiven much and we all have a great debt of love that we owe. You have an amazing opportunity to forgive those that caused great pain and sorrow in your life. Our Father knows your struggle and He has much mercy and love for you. I’ll continue to pray for you always.
    I’m also grateful to hear more good news that you have a wonderful wife and daughter Sofia, this gives me great joy! I’m grateful for the love you have for them. I know Sofia will bring much healing to your life in many ways. As always David, I’m grateful for our friendship, I’ll never stop being your friend and brother. Our friendship means more to me than gold and silver. I’ll never give up my hope that our paths will cross at some point. Until then Shalom.

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